Studying makes him forget things

Son #1(now known as The Boy) is a Freshman in high school. In Maryland, students have to take a series of High School Assessments (HSAs) in order to graduate. His Biology and Government HSAs are next week. The Biology teacher e-mailed out a study guide today, which I printed out and gave to The Boy to use to study. You know what The Boy had the nerve to say to me??

"You realize all this studying is not helping, right? I had better grades when I wasn't studying. Everyone says is a known fact that studying too much makes you forget things."

Seriously?????!!!!! Does he really think I'm going to look at him and say 'Really, well since you put it that way and EVERYONE (who is also 14 and whose parents are also chanting "Do not Kill The Boy") says so, just forget about the study guide and go play on the Wii?' Well, I didn't have time to respond because the next words out of his mouth were:

"Yeah, see I had a 2.7 GPA in the beginning of the year and now since you guys have been making me study all the time I have a 2.1."

REALLY?????? A GPA of 2.7 is really supposed to make me feel better??? Is this child daft???!!!!! Has he not been paying attention to what we've been saying since we got his first interim report this year???? Oh wait, with these grades maybe he is.

I don't get it. This is the kid who was an A/B student last year. He took the Algebra HSA in eighth grade and scored in the ninety-third percentile. He took the PSATs early in October and scored in the fifty-fifth percentile of all students who took the test, so, he scored better than half the kids who took the test - most of whom are a year ahead of him in school. The Boy can't fool us - he's smart. He's d$mn smart. He apparently just has no sense.

Needless to say, he is sitting here reviewing the Study guide now - while huffing, puffing, sighing and fidgeting around.

Repeat after me "Must not kill The Boy, Must not kill The Boy, Must not kill The Boy."

So, what are you buying yourself for Mother's day?

"So, what are you buying yourself for Mother's day?" That was the question my husband asked me after breakfast this morning. You know what's sad? I didn't hesitate and said, "I think a new purse."

Now, don't think my husband is thoughtless, it's just gift buying/shopping is not a big item on his to do list. When he does by presents they are great ones and generally very meaningful. He just doesn't do it often or just because some holiday says he should. He also knows that I will buy myself something I need or had my eye if he hasn't bought a gift. I have been known to come home with a bag and say "You want to see what you just got me for {insert gift giving holiday here}?" I think it's the easiest way to get what I really want for a gift and relieves him of the burden of shopping - something he generally detests. It works out well for us.

So, I spent the afternoon at the mall shopping for a purse. What you need to realize is I am not a clothes, shoes or purse person. I am a very practical person and it's reflected in the clothes and accessories I own or rather don't own. I have only 3 purses (the one I just replaced, which will be given to the girls to use for dress-up in a few minutes, the new one and a black evening bag).

I have a friend at work who has been trying to get me to add some style to my wardrobe. He has explained and I quote, '...while you are not a fashion disaster, your wardrobe is boring." Harsh, but sort of true. Hence, my mission for a new purse, I am trying to add a bit of style. I bought my last purse 3 years ago at Target for $13.95. I decided I should get something a bit nicer this time - like made of real leather. Not knowing anything about designer labels or their prices my first stop was the Louis Vuitton store (it's a store full of purses, right? I thought this would be easy). I should have suspected something when the prices where not displayed on a tag hanging from the strap of the purse. I found an almost perfect, small purse and was about to say I'll take it till I found out the price. IT was $1200.00 dollars!!!!! For a purse that wasn't even made from leather - are you kidding me????? I nearly choked. I handed it back to sales lady, thanked her for her help and left the store. Do they not realize what my purse goes through? It gets dropped, stepped on, spilled on, thrown and often a laptop set on top of it. I can't do that to a $1200.00 dollar purse.

I ended up at the sales table in Nordstrom and came away with a perfectly good purse for not too much money. I came home, looked at my husband and said "Do you want to see what you bought me for Mother's day?"

May is Zombie Awareness Month

Hi! I know it has been a very long time since my last post. Um - I've been busy?? Is that an acceptable excuse? Maybe not, but I've decided to try to post semi -regularly again or at least as often as funny or interesting things happen at our house.

I just wanted to let everyone know that May is Zombie Awareness month. If you need help preparing for this crisis I highly recommend reading "The Zombie Survival Guide." People around me find my Zombie obsession a bit disturbing, but as I've explained in previous posts I started my post-apocalyptic survival survival planning when I was about 15 or 16 after reading Steven King's "The Stand." I don't know why it stuck with me, but it did and it became a funny hobby of mine when I need to get my mind off the real world.

Now, before you all start getting worried about me, I have not built a bunker in the back yard, built walls around my house or stocked up on MREs. This plan is all just in my head and really just a running joke, but if the dead do start walking the earth - I have a plan.

Only groceries ….

So here is the conversation my hubby and I had today:

Hubby: “We need to be more careful with our money.”
Me: “That’s always good, but we’ve been pretty good. The only debt we now have is the House and the Car. We’ve paid everything else off.”
Hubby: “I know, but we waste too much money. No extras for a while. You can only by groceries for a month.”

Notice how it went from we to you?? Is he insuating I have a spending problem? Just becasue I just bought about a weeks worth of new colorful clothes?

Are you now asking yourself how a family with 5 children wastes money? The answer is we don’t really. Since hubby is a chef we rarely eat out (a complaint on my part - I want a date!!!! See previous posts). The kids are trained that they only get presents for their birthdays and holiday. I am a big gadget person but just bought my first iPod about a month ago. Can you believe it? They were threatening to take away my geek card at work. The iPod was bought for him for father’s day, although I’m the one who plays it. That worked out well huh?

This conversation all started because since we bought the new sofa set for the family room (at IKEA – nothing expensive or fancy for our house – and they’re washable!!!), I’ve decided that the old curtains look kind of blah and want new ones. I talking $30 dollar a set curtains – not custom made, but hubby has decided I have spent enough lately.

He says he likes our dull tan Target curtains, but I am now on a color mission. I must introduce colors other than green and beige into my life!

Does he not understand that?????

Other than the sofas, some colorful clothes and a father's present I haven't bought anything beyond necessaties in months. Oh and the fireworks for 4th of July (from Costco), oh and those cute dresses for the girls and the Lego Indiana Jones game I traded Son #2 for his Best buy gift cards he had gotten for his birthday and the new vinyl table clothes for the picnic tables and the new awning for the porch and probably a few other things I'm forgetting .... hmmm, maybe Hubby has a point?

Darn it, it really sucks to be married to someone who not only thinks he's always right but actually is! How does he do that?

Fashion Challenged

Hello - sorry I've been away for a while. Life just got in the way of blogging, but things seem to have calmed down a bit, so I'll try to be more consistent.

So, I was informed by a coworker a few weeks ago that while I am not a fashion disaster or an example of what not to wear - my wardrobe is boring. Apparently, I wear the same 4 colors all the time. Who knew?

Actually, I believe the quote was “Your daughter could draw your entire wardrobe using the 4 pack of crayons that they give out at TGI Fridays…”

It was also suggested that I might want to think about adding patterns to my repertoire. Apparently one pair of window pane pants does not count (too subtle – I’m told) .

This is not the first time a coworker has commented on my wardrobe. About a year before this another coworker walked up to me on St. Patrick’s Day and said, “So this is just like any other day for you and your green clothes, huh?”

This is a tough love group.

What’s really sad about this is I did not realize how much green I owned and wore until I went home that night and looked. I really do own a lot of green. You know how some people own a lot of black? Well, for me that color is green. I mean I own a lot of green. I could wear green for about two weeks straight and not repeat the same outfit. Kind of reminds you of the blob, huh?

I was telling a member of my team about the green comment and she started laughing out loud. I mean almost falling out of her chair laughing. This woman works for me, could she be laughing at me????

For those who don’t know me – I don’t find people laughing at me offensive – I do a lot of really silly, klutzy stuff. I am one of those people who can trip over their own feet – I just want to be in on the joke, darn it.

She then proceeded to tell me the following (paraphrased of course):

C: “Remember last summer when my daughter was working part time for the Operations team?”
Me: “Yes”
C: “One day after she had been here for a few weeks she came over and asked me a question about you.”
Me: “Yes – what did she ask?”
C: almost in tears laughing at this point: “What’s the deal with your boss and green? You know, I’ve always wondered if you realized how much you wore it.”
Me: “Well no, I didn’t till someone pointed it out. That’s really sad isn’t it?”

So, really if you think about it 4 colors is a step up for me. See I can learn.

I will, however; continue to buy the same shirt or pants just in different colors. If I find something I like and it fits well I’ll buy in every color I can – but no more green. I’m on the green wagon.

Do stripes count as a pattern? Help!

Hanging out in the trees

Ok, so this is the scene in front of my house as I arrive home from work.

The boys next door are playing kick ball in the street along with Son #2 and the Imp. Now we do have a yard they could be doing that in, but no they prefer to play in the street.

My girls are in the front yard across the street chasing the neighbor girls around and riding their tricycle.

And where is Son #1 you ask? I didn't spot him at first. It wasn't till I realized that the top branches of the tree across the street were moving but there was no breeze. He was up in the top branches of a tall skinny Maple tree. Do you think he could he be on the side that hangs over the grass - oh, no not Son #1. He's up in the branches that hang over the street. I watched in horror as he climbed down on branches that looked like they could snap at any moment plummeting him to the middle of the road.

Well, he got down without incident, but there was a discussion of "Did you have your brain with you today?" when he got to the house. Which got this response .. "Whaaaat, you never said don't climb that tree... (insert preteen eye rolling too). "

We've never said don't climb a tree. We actually encourage tree climbing. It's a great freeing thing to do. In fact one of the kid’s favorite places to hang out in the summer is the branches of the old red bud tree in the back yard - it has nice thick branches that are comfortable to drape yourself across.

But why he had to climb the skinny one that hangs over the street is just beyond me ....I am sooooo not ready for him to be thirteen

Sssshhhh....it's secret

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been out of town.

Now don't tell anyone...cause it's apparently a big secret. My mother's older sister knows but not her mother, younger sister or anyone in my father's family cause they just didn't want anyone to know. Although everyone my father works with and anyone else my mother speaks to on a regular basis knows. I've found it's best not to question the logic of these kinds of decisions at the time but to focus of what really needs to be done.

But now enough time has passed and I've decided to blow the big secret. I was out of town because I was staying with my parents. My father had triple bypass surgery and someone needed to stay home with him 24/7 for the first week he was home. Since, I can really do my job from anywhere I made plans to be there. My hubby took off work and stayed home with the kidos and I went out to Ohio. Oh, did I mention that this was also the week the kids were home on spring break. Hubby loves me for that one.

Dad is doing well. Fortunately, this was all caught in a check up, so there was no heart damage but there is the recovery of general heart surgery. Dad is a trooper. However, he was trying to get up and around on his own the second day home from the hospital, scaring me to death because he was still a bit wobbly at that point. But my family is a fiercely independent bunch, so being dependent on someone else for anything is quite annoying to them. Also, I was sitting out in the dining room working at the time and he didn't want to interupt my work. Now you know where I get my work ethic from too. It's just proof that I come by stubborness and workaholic tendencies naturally.

P.S. For those who are wondering, no I did not go visit my grandmother while I was out in Ohio. Since no one could know why I was in town I couldn't go visiting without blowing the secret. Yes, I'm a wimp.

Trip to the pet store

What was I thinking????

Persian New Year (a.k.a. Nooruz) is tomorrow. Part of the Celebration is setting up a table called the Haft Seen and part of this set up involves live fish (see http://www.aiap.org/norooz/about_norooz.html for more info).

Now most Persians use a bowl of goldfish, but I decided that since the kids have been asking for an aquarium that I would buy some colorful guppies. Then after the New Year we'd get an aquarium and set it up over next weekend. This was on Saturday. Well, by Monday morning my pretty guppies were all dead. Did you know guppies needed heated water? That's why most people use goldfish!!! Why didn't someone tell me???? Now the New Year is coming and I have dead fish - that can't be a good thing.

Well, since the kids didn't have much homework tonight, I had the brilliant idea we should go back to the store after my hubby left for work and pick up some goldfish. That way we start the New Year with live fish. Well, this was a mistake.

I know, I know, you saw it coming, but I didn't. I was in one of those "This will be great bonding time with just me and the kids" frame of mind.

First of all we walked in to the store and they were having some sort of dog event going on. There was a huge line of people and their dogs right inside the front door. Well, this sent Precious into fits of "Pick me up, Pick me up ...!!!!" She is not a dog person.

I got a cart and put her in it, so I didn't have to carry her through the store. Well, the fish department is not really built for a cart, one mom and four other children trailing behind it. Now, remember all I came in here for was 3 goldfish.

Forty-five minutes later, we're at the check out with three goldfish, one 20 gallon starter aquarium set, two 10 pound bags of blue and green gravel, a little castle, half of a pirate ship, an underwater volcano, four plastic plants and Precious crying because she thinks to dog treats at the front of the store are chocolate and can't understand why Mean Mommy won't buy her one. All because I fell for the "Mom you said we could have a fish tank and it needs to left to sit for about 48 hours before you can put fish in it. Just in time to move the goldfish out of the goldfish bowl after Nooruz." Man, I hate that my older children have learned to read.

Well, they're right; I did promise that they could set up an aquarium. I just meant next week. I did this mostly because there is no way I am cleaning up after a cat or dog at this point in my life. The older children suddenly remembered that Dad had told them they could have a dog when we bought a house with a bigger yard. We moved into the house with the bigger yard three years ago, but the kids are just now remembering that discussion because the neighbors got a puppy last week. Great ...not!

I have enough trouble keeping my own messes picked up just ask my husband.

So, I bought the start kit and additional decorations then spent my evening setting up the new aquarium instead of working. The kids had a blast helping to use pitchers to put water in the tank and it actually looks pretty nice. A much better way to spend my evening than reviewing a Test Plan (can you say boooorrrrriinnng?) like I was planning to do. And now I have five happy smiling faces going around saying things like "That looks really cool Mom" and "Wow, I really like that."

Maybe I should go to the pet store with my kids more often. They don't pass out the compliments very easily.

I’d like to see you before I die …

That’s the line I got from my Grandmother Friday night; like I don’t have enough pressure on my time. Between a full time job (in the middle of multiple production releases and a boss that just told me to go home, kiss my family and tell them I’ll see them after April 25th), a husband, children, parents, a brother who has a new baby, grandmothers, in-laws, aunts, uncles and friends; my grandmother has decided that she needs to explain that I need to come see her before she dies. At this point I should note that she is in very good health and will probably out live us all, so don’t think I’m so crass as to ignore a family member who is truly ill and in need of support.

I should also explain that I live about 500 miles away, so getting to out to see her is not a quick trip. It’s a 12 – 14 hour drive with children in tow (9 if I drive alone) or an hour and a half plane flight (not a cheap option for 7 people). I invited Grandma to come to visit us multiple times (my treat), but she’s not interested. She won’t say it to me, but the issue is my kids are too loud. She’s 80 years old. I get that the noise level in my house can be overwhelming if you’re not used to it. I’ve offered to put her up in a near by hotel – but no -- she wants me to come to her.

My in-laws have the same mentality. We’re older so you should come to visit us rather than us come to you. And I get it I really do – but if the point is you really want to spend time with me or my family then you are going to get a lot more of my time and attention if you come to me.

First of all, I won’t be sitting in your house wondering about the thirty things sitting at my house waiting to get done. I can talk with you and start the dishwasher at the same time. Secondly, I don’t have to chase children around screaming “Stop touching that. That’s not a toy. That’s breakable – Stop it.” It’s my house – everything is already destroyed.

Oh, well, you do what you can … make note to go see Grandmother before she dies … Guess going to the beach for spring break is out and out rude now ...

Should we go somewhere for spring break?

Ok, so the hubby and I are having a debate. Should we go out of town for the kid’s spring break or just take some time to hang at home and play tourist in our own town?

Things have been bad at work and I could use a real break for a few days. Maybe go down to the ocean – We’ve never been there in the off season.

There is a lot to do even in the spring and just hanging with the kids for a few days sounds like a good idea. I feel like I’ve been neglecting them a bit the last few weeks with all the extra work. I mean I’m home with them, but sitting on the sofa with the laptop and working. Precious is thoroughly convinced that the laptop is part of Mommy at this point.

Just the 7 of us. We rarely do that. Our summer vacation is a big family gathering at the beach with both of our families. It’s a great trip – a time to regroup and reconnect with our extended family. Other trips are usually to visit family and lately those have been for funerals, so out somewhere for fun with just us and the kids actually sounds like a treat.

We’ll see how things are going with this latest release. If it’s good through next week. Maybe I’ll go ahead and make the reservations …

I hear the sound of the surf now …

Let’s show some compassion people ….

I ran over to the grocery store across the street from the office to day to grab a quick lunch. While in line waiting to pay for my food this is what I heard from the husband and wife standing behind me:

Wife: (very loudly) “you know that woman we saw walking with two kids who didn’t have coats on?”
Husband: “Yes”
Wife: (continuing loudly) “Well, I just saw them in here and I couldn’t help but give her a nasty look.”
Husband: “Why are you worried about it?”
Wife: (still loudly): “Well someone should have said something to her. We saw her 6 blocks away and she walked those kids down here with no coats on. Some one needs to tell her it’s 30 gawd da$% degrees outside and those children should have some coats on.”
Husband: “It’s not your problem. Why are you so upset about it?”
Wife: (very huffy) “Well, someone should say something to her. I bet every woman in this line here would agree with me that that woman is a terrible mother.”

Now at this point I turn around because A. I’m standing right in front of her and B. I just can’t keep my mouth shut any longer.

Me: “Look, you don’t know what is going with that woman. It seems to me that it might have occurred to you that a woman who has just walked 6 blocks with two kids in tow to get to the grocery store might not have a lot of money. Maybe they can’t afford winter coats. Maybe the kids refused to put on their coats and their mother decided to teach them a lesson and really has their coats in a bag with her, but made them walk 6 blocks one way just so they learn to listen to Mom when she says wear your coat. You just don’t know. You are seeing about 5 seconds out of someone else’s day and you have made a judgment about what kind of person she is. How you feel if I judged you just based on this conversation I overheard?”

And I picked up my bag and walked away. Man that felt good.

60 Things you possibly don’t know about me

I haven’t had time to write anything creative lately, but saw this on another blog and thought it would be fun to share. Please share back. I love this kind of stuff.

60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Does the back of the van count? If so, then here is the list:

1. A case of Juice boxes – kept out in the car so the kids don’t drink them all in one sitting and Princess will have some to take for her snack at school
2. A set of jumper cables
3. An air pump – not sure why this is in the van. I have put it in the shed at least twice and some how it keeps mysteriously showing up
4. An ice scraper
5. Six bottles of laundry detergent – What’s the deal with the laundry detergent you’re asking?? With the amount of laundry we do, any time I see laundry detergent for $1.99 a bottle I pick up a couple of bottles and keep them out in the van till we need them.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
When I had a stomach bug just after Thanksgiving

3. What's your favorite curse word?
Poo Bears – when there are children around

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
My husband, Son #1, Son #2, the Imp, Princess and Precious (Ok, that’s more than three but they really did)

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Telling Son #1 to be quiet and not to wake up the other kids just to tell them school is closed.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Telling Princess to go to sleep and stop talking.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Sleeping – I hope

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No,

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
SSSHHHH! Go to Sleep.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Wegman's Peanut Butter sundae

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
A cup of hot tea

12. What are you wearing right now?
PJs

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Two Chocolate covered strawberries

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No

15. When was the last time you ran?
When Precious was just learning to run and tried to chase a ball into the street as a car was coming. I didn’t know I could move that fast.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
The Super Bowl

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
The lead engineer for the new platform we’re working on. Sad, but true.

19. Ever go camping?
yes

20. Do you have a tan?
ROFLOL!!! I don't even have a tan in the summer. My husband's nickname for me is Whitey.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
No – I need to get the caffeine in me the fastest way possible

25. What did your last IM say?
NP – See you tomorrow

26. Are you someone's best friend?
I hope so

27. What are you doing tomorrow?

Let see, I have to drop Son #2 at school early for Communications Club, pick up a co-worker in from Chicago from her hotel, Go to work, spend the day going between training her on the new platform and trying to test it, buying myself some flowers for Valentines Day, coming home early so Hubby can get into work early for the Valentines Day dinner rush, feed the children, make sure everyone does their homework and practices their music, change a few diapers (becasue PRecious refuses to go potty), lay out 5 sets of clothes for the next day, get the kids to bed, try to relax a bit and go to sleep

28. Where is your mom right now?
At home, asleep – I think.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
My husband lying in bed reading a book and Precious next to him asleep

30. What color is your watch?
Don't wear one – That’s what cell phones and laptops are for

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ?
Steve Irwin

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
I don’t think so – but you never know

33. What is your birthstone?Periodot

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit thedrive thru?
Definitely the drive thru. Have you every tried to herd cats? That's what it like to try to walk into a fast foodplace with my brood, especially if there is a ball pit or giant slide involved.

35.How many kids do you want?
“We have 5 children because we did not want 6” –Bill Cosby

36. Do you have a dog?
NO – we have enough to clean up after

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My Mother. She called to tell me to turn on “My Redneck wedding” but I was on my way out to the grocery.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Yes, I waited on Cal Ripken, Jr. when I was in college and he was not yet – the Iron Man.

39. Any plans today?
All that’s left is to go to sleep

40. How many states have you lived in?
Two

41. Ever go to college?
Yes

42. Where are you right now?
In my bedroom

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Impractical deadlines at work , but I guess that’s the definition of work

44. Last song listened to?
Stand By Me

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, but they’re weird. I’m actually allergic to Artificial flavors and colors. Too much will give me one nasty migraine

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Canvas Sneakers – if only I could wear them to work

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not that I can think of. There are people I wish I was more like.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
LOL! Not that should be.

51. What time is it?
12:38 AM

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes – most of them

53. Do you eat healthy?
Define healthy. See number 13 above – that did include a fruit

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Tell people how their code is broken and why we can't release this build. I'm generally the bearer of bad news.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
No – I don’t think I’ve ever really hated anyone, but a few people have really pissed me off a few times

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yes and with a smile. Projecting a positive outlook brings positive things to you. Try it – it really works. Just smile and say “Good morning” to three people tomorrow. I bet they all smile back.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
40!!!! I don’t feel it.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
No. I grew up near Kings Island though. We could see the top of the Eifel Tower on their main street from our front yard till the trees got too tall.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I actually only have one and I got it in 5th grade bending over to pick up my lunch money. A comer of a grate on a door stuck out just enough to put a huge gash in my arm.

What is that on your face?

OK, I officially feel old today.

I noticed what I thought was some dirt on Son #1’s face earlier today; however, when I tried to clean it off it wouldn’t come off. I had him move closer to the light. It was then I realized that the peach fuzz he’s always had on his face was getting darker. Son #1 has auburn colored hair on his head so I was not expecting dark hair on his face. It threw me at first.

I then look up at him and told him I think he is starting to get a mustache. He kind of giggled. I then asked the next question any mother would ask: “Do you have hair under your arms too?” He’s 12; I don’t go in the bathroom while he’s in there and he hasn’t run around the house without a shirt on since summer.

He kind of giggled and said: “Yes, want to see it?” I think he’s a little proud of it.

He them proceeded to lift up his shirt and show me that he has about 5 hairs under each arm.

I said, “Well, Congratulations, it looks like you are growing up on me.”

He than looked at me and with a very straight face said, “Mom, that’s not the only place I have hair.”

Me, not quite sure what to say next, “Well that’s good. You can show that hair to your father.”

He then asked about when I thought he’d need to start shaving. I told him not quite yet, but it might be a good time for Dad to start teaching him how to shave. He asked a couple more questions about his voice changing and when more changes will start. I explained I wasn't quite sure of the order of when things happen for boys, but I'd tell his Dad to come talk to him. I explainedthat he would know more of the specifics than I do.

Later that night I called my husband at work and explained that he needed to follow up on my conversation with our son. He said: “Congratulations, you officially have a child in puberty. There is a chilled bottle of wine in the fridge.”

I think I’ll just go to bed early tonight.

So, what did I do today?

That is the question I am asking myself right now. If you walked into my house right now and looked around, it would seem like the answer should be “Nothing.”

One of the other managers at the restaurant is having some health issues so my husband had to go to open the restaurant today. Now, his plan was to come home in the afternoon to cook us some dinner and to let me take Son #1 to his violin lesson and do a quick grocery run. Yes, there was no expectation on his part that I would cook anything beyond breakfast for our children. I should be insulted, but I’m not. He’s just being honest. When he woke me up last night to tell me to wake him up early so that he could go open the restaurant in the morning my first question was “What will we eat?”

Yes, I do realize I am very spoiled.

He called to check in on us around noon and to break the news that he wasn’t going to be able to get away to come home. I assured that I had everything under control. I was actually a little ahead of the game at that point but of course that didn’t last long.

Here is the list of what I did today:

1. Fed everyone breakfast
2. Changed Precious’s pull-up (just 10 minutes after Iasked her if she had to go potty and she said no).
3. Loaded and ran the dishwasher
4. Broke up 3 fights in the span of about 30 minutes – one where my two youngest boys were trying to literally beat the crap out of each other after one accidentally hit the other in the head while having a light saber battle.
5. Swept and mopped the kitchen floor.
6. Took a broom around the corners in the kitchen to clean up all the cob webs – there is a definite cob web problem in our house.
7. Changed another pull-up
8. Made lunch – This consisted of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese – My kids think I'm the greatest for that one
9. Worked more on potty training Precious – This is becoming a losing battle -- put another Pull-up on her
10. Threw in a load of laundry
11. Picked up various items left laying around and put them back where they belong as I walked past them – This is on-going thing all day long
12. Got 5 children and 1 violin ready to go and in the van – Precious’ outfit consisted of a gray pair of knit pull on pants, a Tee shirt, a purple hooded shirt, white socks and a pink flowered summer dress over top of the ensemble – This is the outfit she insisted in wearing….at least she was dressed.
13. Hooked up the DVD player in the Van and put a movie in for the ride.
14. Dropped Son #1 at his violin lesson and sat in the parking lot with the other 4 kids to wait for him to finish – hence the movie. Whoever invented the portable DVD player is my hero.
15. Drove to the grocery store – This is normally a trip I would avoid with 5 kids in tow, but we were completely out of eggs, had less than a ½ gallon of milk in the house and no meat to cook for dinner.
16. Gave the “Mom really needs you to cooperate and I promise to be fast” speech. I also added a bribe of cookies if everyone was good. Into the store we went.
From the moment we stepped into the store people started giving me the looks. There are four types of looks:
a. The OH, NO!!! We’re going to have to listen to 5 kids scream all the way through the store look. This look includes a tsking sound, rolling eyes and a heavy sigh.
b. The Are those really all yours?? look
c. The Oh, you are either brave or stupid look (I tend to agree with this one).
d. The Oh, aren’t they all cute? look. This is usually from someone either in their early 20s or late 60s who has major babyitis.
17. Got home with the children and groceries all in one piece – I had copped out once in the grocery instead of buying some meat and vegetables to cook, I bought one of those rotisserie chickens, some pre-made mashed potatoes, a load of French bread and a bag of salad for dinner. The kids were actually extremely cooperative this trip. Cookies are a good thing and I'm luck my kids can be bought so cheaply.
18. Put away the groceries – we ended up buying a bit more than just dinner, milk, eggs and cookies
19. Changed another pull up
20. Unloaded the dishwasher
21. Fed the children dinner
22. Sat down and ate my own dinner
23. Went around the family room and play room collecting all of the dishes that have been left around the house today
24. Changed another pull-up
25. Loaded the dishwasher
26. Switched over the laundry
27. Hooked up the video camera to the TV so Son #2 could watch his performance from the 4th and 5th grade musical version of “Oliver”
28. Checked in on the boys who were playing a game on line in the office to make sure they weren’t on any site they shouldn’t be
29. Cleaned up the kitchen – again – someone had attempted to make their own cup of hot chocolate which resulted in a pack of Swiss Miss being dumped on the counter and floor. That Notme guy has struck again.
30. Changed another pull-up
31. Gave out multiple hugs and kisses to all of the children – the kiss for my oldest son did involved a chase and a head lock.
32. Sent the children to get their evening snack
33. Cleaned up after the tornado went through the kitchen again.
34. Put the sheets back on Princess' bed.
35. Told everyone to brush their teeth
36. Changed another pull-up
37. Sent everyone to bed
38. Only had to run Precious and Princess back to their own room once.

I know I’m missing some things because this is just what I remember I did. Yet my house still looks like I sat around doing nothing all day! How can this be? I blame that Notme guy.

When did you start dating Mom?

“How old were you when you starting dating Mom?” That is the question Son #1 asked me tonight. He’s going to 13 this summer so I guess it was only a matter of time before this all came up.

“Oh, I was in high school before I started dating.” Whew, just bought myself a couple years, right? WRONG!

Son #1: “Well can you believe some of the kids in my school go on dates?”
Me: “Really? Like in groups with their families?” We’re talking about 12 and 13 year olds here.
Son #1: “Well, Friend A and Friend B go bowling a lot.”
Son #2: “Some of the boys in my class have girlfriends.” Son # 2 is 10 and in 5th Grade.
Me: “Really? Do you?” I couldn’t stop myself.
Son #2: “No! Girls are gross Mom!”
Me: “Is there a girl who seems to like you?”
Son #2: “I dunno.” Good, this one is still clueless.
Son #1: “There’s a girl at school who follows me around. She knows my whole schedule and everything.”

Oh, great, my 12 year old has a stalker.

Ok, overacting, I just need to breathe.

Deep breath.

Me: “Well, do you think she’s special?”
Son #1: “Ewwww, no Mom! She creeps me out.”

Oh, Great, it is a little stalker. Breathe, just keep breathing.

There is something about the way he said that I’m not quite sure he’s being straight with me. Just as I was about to ask some follow up questions the two of them decide it’s better to go play on the Wii than continue this conversation with their Mother. Well at least the topic came up and my oldest was comfortable enough to ask questions of his mother. I don’t know if I’m ready for what lays ahead.

I now have proof I am not along in my Craziness!!!

I have discovered a book that proves I am not the only crazy person who thinks about how they would survive in a post-apocalyptic world. YAY!!!!!! First for those who don’t know me you need to understand I am a huge geek - I mean huge. This means I love most any form of science fiction and horror stories. The scarier (but not necessarily gory) the better.

I think it all started with watching Friday Fright Night with my Dad when I was about 7 years old. This was a local TV program that would run old Werewolf, Dracula and The Green Slime type movies all night long on Friday nights. The trick was staying awake to see them all. I admit I watched a lot of them with one eye peaking out of the blanket pulled over my head but I loved them. Loved them!

Anyway, I was in the book store just before Christmas picking up books for my kids (more proof of my geekiness – I always give my kids at least one or two books for Christmas) when I spotted “How to Survive a Zombie Attack” by Max Brooks. Oh, My, GawD!!! I thought I was the only person who watched/read these sort of movies and thought about how they would survive them. I am not alone in my craziness!!!!! Not only that but someone has actually written a book about it. More information for my plan!

I’ve done this sort of planning since I was a teenager and read “The Stand” by Steven King. Come on think about. Most of the world has been wiped out by some sort flu like pandemic and you have survived but have started having these crazy dreams about some old lady out west telling you to come join her. Would you go?

Admit it, you’re thinking about it.

My husband makes fun of me because after watching “28 Weeks Later” I started a very serious conversation about how I would get our entire family out of the city and escape on a boat. Preferably a sail boat, so we didn’t have to worry about gas. And we’d have time to stock it with supplies. (Note that this is what the survivors did in new version of “Dawn of the Dead” although they didn’t have time to stock supplies. I thought it was brilliant). I also threw in how I would never be one of the first people to repopulate a city like the people in “28 Weeks Later”. I’d give a couple of years before I took up residence. I went on and on about how we’d survive and he just sat there saying “uh-huh” and shaking his head at me. Although, the other day, he did comment that he is comforted to know that when the dead start walking the earth I have a plan.

Now to come up with a plan to escape the T-virus from “Resident Evil” before we all mutate.

Guarding Her stuff

Christmas is over and New Years is coming. We have survived the chaos (mostly). Other than battling a second round of colds and fevers we’re in good shape.

My children have been out of school for over a week and are starting to work each other’s last good nerve. Precious is used to having the house to herself during the day so not having the older kids leave has totally thrown off her routine. She has taken to announcing that everything in the house is hers and is running from toy to toy guarding it as only a 3 year old can – by screaming at the top of her lungs. The biggest thing she has taken to protecting is the computer. She discovered NickJr.com a couple of weeks before Christmas and loves it. She normally would get her time during the day but this week has had to wait her turn. This has been misery for her. It has hit the point that she refuses to leave the computer even to eat once her turn has started because she is afraid someone will take the computer while she’s away. At this very moment she is asleep in the chair in front of the computer. Yes, curled up in the big office chair asleep.

We’ve tried unsuccessfully to move her 3 times now and each time has resulted in her waking up and throwing a fit. I even tried just rolling the chair away from the computer but that woke her up crying as well. She definitely gets the concept of squatter’s rights and is guarding her territory – even while sleeping.

Where’s the Daddy? A Christmas Story

My husband spent yesterday afternoon looking for an extension cord for the small Christmas tree in the living room. In this process of looking for the extension cord he found my grandmother’s manger set. I haven’t set it up for years because, well, I have 5 children and didn’t want it broken.

My husband decided that now that the children are a little older we should have the manger set up. So, he set the manger up on the table by the front door. He put the Baby Jesus and Mary in the stable but he set Joseph and the 3 wise men along with the camels and a cow outside the manger looking in. Not your normal set up. Well, this caused some confusion with the neighbor’s daughter who is 4 years old. She walked past the manger on her way out the door to go home and noticed the strange set up of the manager. She looked at my husband and asked “Where is the Daddy?” Now my husband, being the devout Muslim that he is, said, “There is no daddy.”

Now begins the confusion:

4 year old neighbor (whose family is Mormon): “But where’s the daddy?”
My Husband: “There is no daddy. God willed Jesus to be born. It was a miracle called the Immaculate Conception.” Now, how many of you knew Islam believed in the Imaculate Conception? I didn't and I've been married to this man and dealing with this culture for 20 years all together.
Princess (my 6 year old) after pondering this for a moment: “Well then who is Joseph, Mary’s boyfriend?”
My husband (wondering how he got himself in this mess): “No, Joseph was Mary’s husband, but he is not Jesus’ daddy. Jesus did not have a daddy.”
Princess: “So, Joseph was Jesus’ Step-daddy?”
My husband: “Well, sort of.”
Princess (who, by the way, had announced that Frosty the Snowman has a wife named Sally so now they can have children just this past Sunday): “So, how was Jesus born if he didn’t have a daddy?”
My Husband (really trying to keep a straight face): “Jesus doesn’t have a daddy because God willed Jesus to be born.”
4 year old neighbor: “But where’s the daddy?”
My husband (giving up before he digs himself in any deeper): “I think you need to go ask your Mom about that.”

He then walked her home, but did not warn her mother about the conversation that had taken place. I gave her a call later that evening because I felt I should warn her. I just knew that this Sunday in the middle of church that lovely little girl is going to repeat her interpretation of the story of Baby Jesus as told to her by Mr. M. I can just hear it now. “Jesus doesn’t have a daddy. Mr. M told me so. Did you know Joseph was Mary’s boyfriend? ” I like my neighbors, so I thought I should try to give them the heads up. My neighbor thanked me for letting her know because her daughter didn’t say a word about it after she walked in the front door. The neighbor said she would go over the story of Jesus with her girls tonight just to be safe. She also pointed out that my husband could spared himself all of this if he had just set Joseph in the stable next to the Baby Jesus. I giggled and said that I had already pointed that out. He agreed that next time he would just stick to the standard set up.

Like my new haircut?

It is never a good sign when the 3 year old comes upstairs and says "Mommy, how do you like my new haircut?" Now she's the fifth child, so I know hair will grow back and honestly looking at her I can't tell she's cut her hair. She has so much that it really doesn't look any different. But I know the older children are downstairs cutting paper to decorate for Christmas and don't doubt that Precious has cut her hair. It's my own fault, I have had my nose in my laptop working most of the weekend. We are having some production issues with the new system at work so I've spent very little time really paying attention to the children all weekend. I just set them up on a project and do a walkthrough every so often to make sure no one is too out of hand. There are lots of messes being made in the family room at the moment. Princess and the Imp are in the process of building forts all around the room, which consist of every toy and chair we own being used to build a miniature version of the wall of China in our family room. This will also include every sheets out of the laundry strung from the sofas to the top of the tallest nearby toy or chair. It makes me wonder why I've bothered to wash the sheet because you just know that someone is going spill something any minute. Son #1 and #2 are making snowflakes for the front, which do you think any of the paper cut outs from the snowflakes will be dropped in the trash can? Oh no, that's what Mom has a vacuum for. Now I also need to figure out where the pieces of cut hair are so I can get that all vacuumed up. It's always an exciting weekend at our house.

How do you handle the Holidays

Sorry, I know I’ve been away for a while. Life just gets in the way sometimes.

Well, the topic that always seems to come up around this time of year; came up again last week. The topic of “Just how do you handle the holidays?”. It’s probably the second or third most popular question I get.

Why, do people ask you that, you might be asking yourself?

Actually, the answer is very understandable. Not only are we an unusually large family but we are a multicultural, multi-religion family. So, it is a question I tend to expect once people get to know me and know that I’m not offended by such questions.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, I am a typical mid-westerner with blond hair (thanks to my stylist) and green eyes who is from a small town in Ohio. I am often told I’m not what people expect if they have seen my name before meeting me. The reason for that would be my last name. To help build a good relationship with my husband’s family I took his last name when we got married. I didn’t legally change it for many years and four children later, but that’s actually a whole separate story that I’ll tell another time. However, it is a name I’ve grown into and have come to have fun with. Not to give away to much personal information on the internet, my last name is not only an obviously Middle Eastern last name but it’s obviously Muslim. So, when blond hair, green eyed, very pale me walks in the room people are a little confused. I’ve actually had a mechanic at the body shop look at everyone in the room but me calling my name. I later realized that he had walked right past me and looked outside first for some who looked more like he expected. It’s kind of humorous. Preconceived notions always make me laugh.

For many years I had a lot of fun confusing people with my name. My first job out of college I was Technical support representative for a software development tool. There would be time while we were waiting for the tool to finish its task that we’d make small talk with the customers. You know, “What’s the weather like there? Where are you from? etc.” The “where are you from question” came up most often with the foreign engineers and they just made it too easy to have fun at their expense. This is how the conversation would go:

Engineer: “So, where are you from?”
Me: “Ohio”
Engineer: “Where are your parents from?” Smugly, thinking he’s figured it out.
Me: “Ohio”
Engineer: Now a bit confused sounding: “Where did your parents grow up?”
Me: “Ohio”
Engineer: Now really perplexed: “Where did their parents grow up?”
Me: Trying not to laugh “Ohio”
Engineer: Always being polite “Not to be too personal, but aren’t you Muslim?”
Me: “Not a problem; no, actually I’m not.”

This is generally where I’d let them off the hook because they are so thoroughly confused and explain that my husband is from Iran. In 5 years of working phone support only one person ever actually figured it out on their own. That person was another American woman who was also married to an Iranian. They lived in Chicago. Maybe it’s something about women from the mid-west.

Well, not only is Hubby from Iran but he is a Shi’a Muslim. Now here’s where I start blowing the stereotypes out of the water.

1. Hubby is obviously very open minded (he married me didn’t he? See my religious beliefs above and read any of my other posts).
2. He’s also extremely supportive of my career. He knew I was not the Susie homemaker type when he met me and he's okay with that. When we met I actually used to refer to marriage as the "M" word and actually never planned to marry or have children kind of ironic, huh?
3. He cooks and does laundry (again see some of my other posts).
4. He also cleans and changes diapers.

We approach our marriage as a team. What one of us can’t get to the other will. We also play to each other strengths – He’s a better cook than me, so he does most of the cooking (I get to make breakfast on the weekends). I love to shop and actually enjoy running errands, so I most of the grocery shopping and the running around that needs done (with and without a child or two in tow).

I digress, as usual, so, how we handle the holidays is to celebrate both the Christian and Muslim holidays. We approach the time more as a time for family than a time for religion but have taught the children the stories of both Jesus and Mohammed. We will leave it up to kids to choose which religion they follow when they get older. We do stress our morals and acceptable behavior to them but that’s about as far as it goes for now.

We’re in luck, since we live in a very diverse neighborhood, it all works. This is how our street looks. Next door is a family from India who is Hindu, across the street is a Mormon family and another Muslim family lives next to them, who are interestingly enough from Chicago. The Mom from that family is fairly religious (but not pushy) and wears a Hijab (which is the scarf to cover her hair and she’s always in long sleeves and long skirts or loose fitting pants). She and I always have a good laugh when people compliment her English. She’s American born and raised. Those darn preconceived notions again.